A beautiful lie

There was a time when I use to picturize the scene when we ll meet again, I used to think that what I ll say to you? or what to ask to you? which pick up line I should use. Many things used to cross my mind and I only choose those lines which may seem pleasing to you, I try to mold my feelings my emotions in those words in such a way that they may not sound exaggerating to you or make me look desperate. I used to take care of each and every small details which doesn’t fit in the scene.

My imaginations, my dreams the only place for me in this world where everything works according to me where I rule even without a throne. The moment your image comes to my mind, everything starts working according to you, you dethroned me even without saying something. I try to feel your emotions what you felt by those lines, by those words, by the emotions I expressed to you. I try to see things from your side , through your vision so that nothing goes wrong. I don’t want my efforts to go in vain. I cant let that happen.

I had directed this scenario numerous times in my mind with such a perfection that not even academy awards panel can point out a flaw in it. I had played this scene so many times that even if I encounter you accidentally, I can sermonize each and everything with such an ease, without fumbling, without hesitating directly looking into your eyes to deep inside in your soul to the graveyard of your feelings where you had buried my heart for such a long time. So That it can get a life, to give it a hope, a reason to beat again in the same rhythm that it used to be when our fingers used to touch unknowingly or when you used to curl your fingers in my hand tightly, or when we used to do nothing just stare each other silently for hours.

It used to be!!, I used to think!!, I used to do!! All those things now haunts me just because everything has gone away, just vanished away, it’s hard to believe but everything now has come to ground zero. Each and everything has now shattered down, scattered in front of me. This time I came to know what you used to feel and what you used to think. You literally saw everything in different manners, you illustrated a different image of yours to me and have hidden​ your real intentions from me. You deceived me. The time when I was trying to make a perfect world for you, you sailed over,  the moment I turned back to find you, you had already departed far away from my sight. I believed that every thing is gonna be alright one day. I had fortified my self with fake hopes to hold on there for you…. it came to an end. “My hope was hinging on a lie” this hurts me more than the fact that you are not by my side. I undoubtedly believed on you that one day you ll come back. “Giving yourself a fake hope to love or to live is an unforgivable Crime to yourself”.

Somewhere I even questioned myself “Had I brought this all to my self?” Am I the one who ll be accused for all do's? but you know what somewhere she has also earned some credit, she is the one who enlightened the hope to hold on for so long. Why did she left me alone to face this brutal reality alone that nothing is forever.

Before I was like “what things should I say  to you?” but now things have changed to “ why should i say anything to you?”

The memories of the relationship doesn’t haunt me that much but the time I spent in fake hope of being together scares me more now. It’s the time when you were with me without being around.

She got me in her delusion.